Have you ever written something so honest that it gives you pause before hitting the publish button? That’s how I feel about this post. I debated on publishing it. But, after some thought, I decided to follow through. Perhaps one of you is going through – or has gone through – something similar. Maybe you will have golden words of wisdom. Or, maybe you will find out you are not alone.
I’m having what I have dubbed the “third life crisis.” It’s the second cousin twice removed to the quarter life crisis and the mid-life crisis. Or, perhaps I’m having a slightly delayed quarter life crisis, but all the same, I’m having a moment.
You see, I will be 30 in April.
On one hand, that seems – and feels – so young. With my generation, I think thirty is our new twenty, in a lot of ways. Most of my friends fall between the ages of 27 and 32. Only a couple are married, and not many more are in serious relationships. One of them owns a home. None of them have kids. All of us are employed, using our University of Tennessee (and beyond) degrees, with varying levels of success. None of us are working our dream jobs. I don’t know if any of us know what our dream jobs really are.
On the other hand, I think I thought I would be “farther along” by now. 5 years ago, when I graduated college, I thought I would have figured it all out by 30. I thought I would be married, owned a home, probably had my first kid. I thought I would have known what I wanted to do with my life, with my career, and been well on my way to achieving it.
Except, I rent an apartment. My furniture is either from Target or re-finished from a junk store. There isn’t a single designer label in my closet, and I drive a 2001 Chevy Cavalier that doesn’t always start the first time the key turns. I have a good job, a job that I like. But, it’s not the job I want to be at two, three, five years down the road. Right now, I want to write and teach barre classes. That could change in a year.
I’m not married. I don’t have a boyfriend, not even a prospect of a boyfriend. Kids are a thing in the distant future, save for Knox who I treat like a child because – why not? The idea of buying a house crosses my mind from time to time, but then I think about the fact that I can call maintenance when my garbage disposal breaks and not be charged a dime. Besides, what little money I save tends to end up going towards experiences. Like trips to London, Paris, and New York.
And so, here we are.
Sometimes, it feels like someone hit the pause button on life and forgot to hit it again to resume play. That is not remotely true, of course, as I can list a number of ways life has moved forward and changed over the last year, mostly in good ways. Still, it feels like a lot of the same: of waking up, going to work, coming home, and doing it all again. Every. Single. Day.
I believe God has a plan for my life. I have a purpose. A calling. He knew the plans He has for me before I was born. I only have to trust Him, wait for Him to reveal his plan for me, one step at a time. And, he does. He reveals His plan to me, one step at a time.
But, I’m not the most patient person in the world. Waiting on His time can, arguably, be one of the hardest things to do, especially when He calls us to trust him, even when we can’t see what He is doing. Sometimes, I want to do – something. Plop down a down payment on a new car or a house. Quit my job and write all day, every day, until something sticks. Pack it up and move overseas, just for a change.
All of this to say I’m in the midst of a third life crisis. I’m not where the freshly minted college grad Sarah thought she would be. I don’t where the almost 30-year-old Sarah is going. I don’t believe I was born to merely go to work and pay bills, however.
I don’t have the answers, but I know – from experience – that things tend to fall into place exactly as they should.
Here’s to putting one foot in front of the other, saying yes to new adventures, and trusting that it – whatever it is – will all work out.